Welcome to Night Vale - population: you and me.
I just started reading Guidestuck and Jaspers just broke his dad’s heart without even realizing it and my heart is broken for his dad and I’m crying because his dad was crying why the fuck am I up so early crying over fictional characters HOW CAN YOU BE SO MEAN JASPERS1?
My mom once said to me, “if you ever have car troubles but don’t know what the problem is, don’t take it in to a mechanic because they will try to sell you things you don’t need. Instead park yourself on the side of the highway, pop your hood, and look confused. Some mechanic will pull over to help and he’ll tell you what the problem is for free.” And that’s the day I realized that I could make the patriarchy work for me.
bat thanks friend for bringing him bananas
(Source: santajoe, via cheeseburgerz)
(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via cheeseburgerz)
Humans do NOT come from Earth – and sunburn, bad backs and pain during labour prove it, expert claims [dailymail]
A U.S. ecologist has claimed that humans are not from Earth but were put on the planet by aliens tens of thousands of years ago. Dr Ellis Silver points to a number of physiological features to make his case for why humans did not evolve alongside other life on Earth, in his new book. They range from humans suffering from bad backs - which he suggests is because we evolved in a world with lower gravity – to getting too easily sunburned and having difficulty giving birth.
Dr Ellis says that while the planet meets humans’ needs for the most part, it does not perhaps serve the species’ interests as well as the aliens who dropped us off imagined. In his book, HUMANS ARE NOT FROM EARTH: A SCIENTIFIC EVALUATION OF THE EVIDENCE, the ecologist writes the human race has defects that mark it of being ‘not of this world’. ‘Mankind is supposedly the most highly developed species on the planet, yet is surprisingly unsuited and ill-equipped for Earth’s environment: harmed by sunlight, a strong dislike for naturally occurring foods, ridiculously high rates of chronic disease, and more,’ he told Yahoo. Dr Ellis says that humans might suffer from bad backs because they evolved on a world with lower gravity. He also says that it is strange that babies’ heads are so large and make it difficult for women to give birth, which can result in fatalities of the mother and infant.
This explains *a lot* about Neandertal extinction. Also makes a change from the aquatic ape hypothesis.
You left out the best part:
‘This suggests (to me at least) that mankind may have evolved on a different planet, and we may have been brought here as a highly developed species.’
‘One reason for this … is that the Earth might be a prison planet, since we seem to be a naturally violent species and we’re here until we learn to behave ourselves,’ he said.
You’re right. I can’t leave out that valuable science.
Quality reporting from the Mail, as always.
lmfao im dying if only if on l y
(Source: ladidaboo, via towritelesbiansonherarms)
i could go into the kitchen and make soup right now. i could chop up a whole onion and put it in there and nobody could stop me. i could put cereal in it. i could dump the whole bowl onto the floor and roll around in it naked while barbie girl plays and then order ten of those 7 foot long gummy snakes online and nobody could do a goddamned thing. being an adult is terrifying
this is too much power for one person to have
holy fuck what a dream!!!!
(Source: daddyfuckedme, via ohgodimsickofsleepingalone)
when i was 4 my dad asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up and i replied ‘daddy i want to be a cheesecake’ it’s been 12 fucking years and no one has let me forget it
(Source: sandandglass, via lulz-time)